Airplane!

There's a voice inside myself that expresses itself without words. It need not to verbalize itself in order to be heard. It's not quite as loud as the inner malicious cacophony yet, but it's silent scream gets louder by the day. It's the part of me who reminds me who I am. About my character and my might. My attitude and my abilities.

There's an inner voice which deserves its space to be appreciated and heard. To be felt and touched. To touch others with its inaudible serenity.

I spend so much of my life in tune with the pain but not the tranquility that lies beneath. Focused on the tension but not the release.

There's beauty out there. Both visibly and within those placed expertly in my path.

I gave someone advice this week and I'm working on taking it myself. Notice the beauty. Audibly. Each time someone graces you with kindness, no matter how small, say "thank you." Even if not to the person directly, say it for yourself. If "thank you" is hard for you, use a different word. Maybe even something odd and out of place so I know I'm doing it with intention. I suggested "airplane" because it's the first word my unconscious offered me.

Do it for you. For recognizing kindnesses. For thanking God. To recognize moments of self care. For anything you want to bring your attention to.

It's an investment into me to bring my awareness to beauty, or serene and special moments.

Tranquility, joy, and beauty aren't just "out there."  They're right here in front of me. I just need to choose to recognize them more.

Airplane!

Check out my last blog post here!

Strength

There's a small voice inside of me I have yet to fully explore.  The one on the opposite shoulder of the voice who reminds me how small and insignificant I am.  That voice I'm intimate with.  He's held me back for years and imposed limits on my dreams and abilities.  This is the voice who whispers into my ear and lets me know I'm not enough.  That I'm too heavy, too insignificant, and says "that's not you" and "you can't do that."

Time to step it up a little.  It's time to dig deep and find those parts of me I haven't yet been privy to.  To explore the other voice even though it's still just a whisper in the face of my rage, hate, and pain.
In a life that has known so much darkness it's scary to first be setting my sights on the light.  But the light beckons me today, more than it ever has before.  Maybe you can hear your light calling you?  I believe there are moments in all of our lives where the light calls us to expand and the crack letting it in opens just a little more.

Often it's difficult to know why the light is calling me or what it is I'm called to do.  One thing is for certain though, there's something bigger, better, and brighter meant for you.  There are realms of beauty, ability, and strength you have yet to discover.

Finding new abilities can be scary because they seem to call me to do more.  This fear can either stop me and keep me from my call or drive me to take more risks and go big or go home.  I aim for the latter.  To feel the fear and do it anyway.

I'm reminded of the 4 masculine archetypes as explained by Carl Jung.  He explains them as all the energies that live in each of us (though we all tap into these energies differently). They empower me and concentrating on them gives me strength to step into my call.

I am a Warrior.  My blood boils with the strength of the man God has made me.  I set boundaries and protect those I care for.  I get the job done and maintain a level of separation from emotion when I need to.  My warrior helps me aim for my goals with vigilance and keep my eye on the prize.

I am a Magician.  My magician is the part of me that understands and makes choices.  He allows me to tell my warrior what needs to be done and how to go about it.  My magician figures out my life and contains the wisdom I need to move forward, make change in my life, and navigate the world around me.

I am a Lover.  My energy is loving and accepting and I can feel those around me.  I use words like, "I feel" and "I love you," and resonate with life and my surroundings.  Emotions create my world and my experience and I recognize them enough to allow them to guide me.

I am a King.  I harness the powerful energy of my warrior, my magician, and my lover to bless those around me.  To bring peace and serenity to my realm.  My energy empowers others and allows them to find and connect to their inner King as well.

Just like in you, there is a power within me I have yet to fully harness.    A power that will continue to surprise me, strengthen me and strengthen those around me.  It is a me I sometimes fear.  I fear what I'm meant to accomplish and who I'm truly meant to be.  Yet with all the passion and wisdom I possess, I know this soul has been entrusted to me and that I can command all it has to offer in a way only I can.  It's mine for a reason and with it I am meant to discover who I really am and to continue figuring me out.

What an incredible adventure! Thanks for taking it with me.  
   



To see my last post:
http://figuringmeoutintime.blogspot.co.il/2016/08/habits.html

Vulnerability: My Greatest Teacher

I've read that inner strength can be measured in the capacity to be there for others even while one is going through his own inner turmoil.  It must be true cause I think I saw it in a meme on the internet.  But while there may be truth to this, I'm thinking it's only true for some.  For others however it's so much easier to lose themselves in other peoples' problems, all the while avoiding their own and struggling in silence.  For these men, real growth and strength is in reaching out for the help they themselves need.

I know I personally grew up with a do-it-yourself mentality being taught I was strong as a bull and meant to know how to take care of business on my own.  Those beliefs kept me very secluded for a long time thinking that asking others for help was weakness.  I used those beliefs as a security blanket to avoid doing things when there was a chance of failure.  In essence, it was in keeping myself strong that I remained weak and closed.  In not letting others in that I maintained the bravado of the strong one.

Then something changed.  Men, who I didn't ask to be there for me, were.   They pushed me into the limelight and it was in my deepest fear of asking for help and what that would mean where I found my greatest teacher.  Vulnerability.  It is my willingness to be broken and flawed...  It is my willingness to be seen as broken and flawed that makes me strong.

I still think I need to be strong in those old ways sometimes.  I still carry fear of going down there, needing and asking for help. But that prison of my mind no longer holds me back the way it once did. It's in knowing, for me, real strength is in showing up fully as myself that I am free.  

Clearly it's not right for me to lean on everyone.  It's not even safe.  There are people who would use my vulnerability against me or take my brokenness to mean something it doesn't.  But there are also safe men.  Good men who will be there for me unconditionally.   Even those who will love me more when they learn I am flawed, just as they are.

I pride myself on my path to being one of these men.  A vulnerable man who can openly make space for others to be broken and flawed along with me.  A safe space for those who also want to be strong in this way.  Thank you to those who have been mine.

Keep on being awesome!

-Eric