In the context of therapy and healing I've heard many people say things from
"I deserve love" to "I deserve to be heard", "seen," or "respected."
It's actually quite an extensive list. But are they fooling
themselves into just feeling good? Do we really deserve something from this world? And if so, do
we earn that deserving or are we born with it?Human beings NEED to believe they deserve certain things in order to survive. In order to lead healthy, well adjusted lives they must recognize that they have some innate sense of self worth. But are those of us that have been "enlightened" just tooting our own horns?
Here's my take on it. We are men created in the image of our creator. As human beings, we innately deserve to be unconditionally loved, respected, heard, seen, cherished, etc. Now, I want to be clear... I once saw a man throw a chair across a room because the man helping him kept using the word "deserve," and he didn't want to "deserve" it. He wanted to be loved unconditionally, even when he didn't deserve it. And he's right. We're worthy of unconditional love. But we don't always get things just because we're worthy of them. Our creator, in His infinite wisdom puts us in situations sometimes where we won't get those needs met. (And sometimes we do it to ourselves, but that's a whole different post). So yeah, as men created in the image of G-d we deserve it, but He'll decide whether or not to give it to us today. You might say, God gives us what we need, when we need it no matter what we deserve.
Let's use respect as an example. How does it serve me to think I'm deserving of respect when I'm being treated like yesterday's leftovers at an all you can eat buffet? Well, let's look at Moses. Moses was described as "the most humble of all people." (Numbers 12:3) Moses knew that G-d was leading the Hebrews out of Egypt and through the desert via him. He knew that he had a speech impediment and for many years he'd been a simple shepherd. But the idea of Moses's humility wasn't knowing he was a nothing throughout his leadership. It was knowing he was a something. Knowing that with his simplicity, and his challenges with speech he deserved to be the leader of Israel.
Had he shrunk back and said "nah, I'm nobody and I'm not good enough to lead these people" that wouldn't have been the humility the Torah describes. That would be a man putting himself down and not respecting his worth. And what happens when a man puts himself down and doesn't respect his worth? He doesn't function or produce to his fullest. Had Moses told himself, I'm a nothing, he wouldn't have been able to do what he did. It was only because he knew who he was with all his limitations, yet still recognized his value that he was able to remain humble and lead a great nation. That's humility. Even more, it's by knowing we deserve respect, even in the face of adversity that we can still stand up straight, push through and move on with our dignity and sense of self intact.
I read this somewhere today.
"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?’
Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world.
There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you.
We are all meant to shine, as children do.
We were born to make manifest the glory of G-d that is within us.
It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone!
And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.
As we’re liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically
-Marianne Williamson
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